Today I blog in repsonse to a couple of expectant mothers who also have toddlers Anastyn's age and have asked me how I'm getting along with the girls. I think we all have the same fears going into this phase of life with two babies so young and close together.
Andi and MJ both asleep on the couch.
Here was my response . . .
Let me start by saying two things:
1. It DOES get easier.
2."Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow
For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep!"
I found my fear of having the two so close with Andi being so young was not all together necessary. The one advantage to all my worrying is I can honestly say, "it's not as bad as I thought it would be," and "Anastyn is doing much better than I expected." That said, I do have two wonderful babies. My heart goes out to the parents of colicky babies all the time. I just can't imagine.
The first week (stretched to 2-3 weeks really) I had a lot of help from my mom. She did the cooking and cleaning and the helping hold one baby while I put the other one down. I had no idea what I'd do once she stopped coming over all day until hubby got home. But when that day came I had to face it and I found it to go surprisingly well. It was almost a welcomed relief and assurance . . . I CAN do this. Just us girls. I'M the mom.
There are moments when things don't go as smoothly as I'd like. I found out early on that Anastyn CAN fall asleep with a crying baby laying right next to her. =/ And there are times, most days in fact, that the house work waits as I play with and take care of my babies. Too often the high chair doesn't get cleaned after Andi eats. Or she has to wait before I can even get her in the chair with some food.
One of the things that have made things harder for us is that Anastyn was still nursing to go down for bed when I had Myrah. Once my milk came in, Andi wanted to nurse much more. And though it wasn't as bad as I'd imagined, Anastyn would get fussy and want to nurse too as soon as she saw me nursing Myrah. There seems to be a lot going on with that. She's at the independent stage of wanting to be picky about what she'll eat so she's eating less and wanting to nurse more. I read recently, to my relief, that right now their appetites go down and they don't need as much as they did the first year of life. Also to try to feed them the things in the food pyramid over the span of 1-2 weeks, instead of 1 day like we adults do. Knowing this now has been a big help and has eased some of my worring about her eating habits.
My new idea of getting Andi to take milk is putting it in a bottle
Another thing that has made things harder for us is Myrah, like Anastyn, HAS to be held to be happy (forget those Sassy seats). I feel like I'm holding Myrah all day. Half the time even after she falls asleep I can't put her down without her waking up. The front pack works sometimes. I have a little bed made up for her on my couch next to me and the computer. We spend most our day here. Myrah's lying next to me sleeping right now. Yeah! She just had a bath so she must be tuckered out!
A piece of advice another woman (who has two close together) told me was this, "Someone is going to have to cry. So I just have to decide whose turn it is." It seems like a strange piece of advice, but in those moments of guilt and high anxiety when one or both babies are crying it seems to come to mind. It helps to remind me that this is natural and we'll get through this.
One thing that has made things easier, much much easier, for us is that we co-sleep. After week one (or maybe week two) of having Myrah home with us I was talking to my husband and sharing how I don't feel sleep deprived at all. In fact, I felt great! I was sleeping better now than when I was pregnant and waking up every hour to pee! =) We concluded that co-sleeping was once again our savior. When MJ (Myrah) fussed in the middle of the night I'd roll over and feed her, barely waking up. We got to thinking about her being in a crib in another room and how much goes into waking up after the baby has gotten to the point when they're crying, getting out of bed, calming the baby down, possibly warming a bottle, feeding the baby for however long, putting it back to sleep and then crawling back to bed yourself. That's a lot of work. Half the time I barely wake up and I probably fall back to sleep before the baby does! =) I know it's not for everyone, but co-sleeping has been a blessing for us. These days MJ and Andi both sleep until around 4-6am before they wake up wanting to nurse back to sleep. We've got the night thing down! =)
Another thing that has made things easier for us is that my parents live less than 2 miles away and are both retired. They regularly, not daily, include Anastyn in their morning walks. And this week they even took Myrah twice! Monday during their walk I got the kitchen spotless, Tuesday I cleaned the living room (though you can't tell today) and got some pictures up loaded and blogging done, and today I gave Myrah a bath and have two hands to write this!
All that said, poor Heidi, Monday nights are the hardest. Andrew has a bible study from 7-9 p.m. on Monday nights and I'm stuck trying to put the girls down by myself. That seems to be the hardest time. Maybe because it's at night and Andi is SO tired, or Myrah just wants to sleep. Sometimes I try to manage myself (without success to date, though with the help of a pacifier I was able to get them both to sleep at the same time once during the day) and other times I have my mom come over for an hour so she can rock Myrah while I nurse Anastyn to sleep. And often there are times when Andi finally falls to sleep and I come downstairs to take Myrah and send my mom home, only to have Andi wake up again and we're doing it all over! During the day doesn't seem to be as bad. Sometimes when Andi wakes up after 1 hour or less of napping she's learned to sooth herself back to sleep, which as you can imagine is GREAT! Other times, Myrah is asleep down stairs and I'm able to go back and nurse Andi back to sleep. I do keep a fan going in my room to help muffle things for Andi while she sleeps.
-Myrah just woke up so it's time to end (I nurse her on the bobby pillow so I can continue to type) -
All in all every day is different and yet the same. We have our routines, but some days are just easier than others. Some days Myrah continues to sleep when Andi and I get up. Then we sneak a shower in and start breakfast and are even able to get dressed and ready for the day! Other days she's up when we're up and we do what we can to get diapers changed and babies fed.
Myrah is back down and I’ve showered since the last paragraph! My mom came back from their walk and Anastyn’s still asleep in the stroller! I had my mom watch Myrah (she’s super gassy) while I took a quick shower. See things work out. But thank God for family and husbands!
In other news, Myrah has a horrible rash all over her face and head. Baby acne? I don’t know. My mom and sister are now thinking it’s a milk allergy. I refuse to resort to that! Oh, the challenges that would bring. I’m too lazy to have a baby with milk allergies. Whatever it is, I hope it clears up soon. I was hoping to get the girls in for pictures when MJ is 10 weeks old. That’s when Andi had her first pictures taken. And since, I’m so horrible, I’ve only taken her in for photos one other time. And that was almost a year ago! I was pregnant and didn’t know it yet, so it must have been November.
Okay, I’d say that’s enough out of me for now. I have no idea what I’m doing either, I’m just doing it a couple weeks before the rest of you who are expecting. =)
"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow
